The Zimmer Press Conference

During his annual March 31st press conference, which sort of acts as the Vikings (pre-draft, post free agency) offseason state of the union, Minnesota coach Mike Zimmer said he’s excited about the new additions to the defense, his offensive line is full of “guys who are good players,” and that he’s looking forward to getting back out onto field.

Thanks Mike.

Twenty minutes of absolutely nothing.

When asked about Danielle Hunter’s status he said he hadn’t talked to him but has seen the rehab videos he’s sent to the club and they’re ‘pretty incredible.’ “He’s a great team guy, he’s a terrific player,” Zimmer said. “And he’s one of the best people that I’ve been around in professional football.”

Do I sense some ass-kissing in an attempt to get an unhappy soldier to report?

More Zimmer highlights include:

He likes all his options at back-up quarterback. (Really?)

Anthony Barr and Eric Kendricks are both coming back healthy next year. (No shit, I’m sure we would’ve known if either of their injuries were career threatening.)

Clint Kubiak is ready to step into his new play-calling role. (I would hope so, you hired him to be your offensive coordinator and you’re a defensive minded head coach.)

He and his coaches have already had some of the best meetings in his 8 years coaching the team, meetings that wouldn’t be possible on Zoom. (Indirect excuse for last season’s performance anyone?)

He even said he was aware the NFL added a 17th game this year but has no idea what week it will happen or who it will be against. (Absolute bullshit.)

It was a typical Zimmer press conference. He loves to act like he’s all about the business at hand, when realistically he’s very aware and sensitive about every little thing that goes on within the Vikings organization. Sometimes to a fault.

If asked about player A, Zimmer will go into great detail. When asked about player B, he’s been known to snap “I’m not gonna evaluate players publicly to the media!”

Really? Then what was all that rambling jargon on player A all about?

He’ll always say the only thing that matters is winning if the press throws a statistic at him he doesn’t like, but he loves to bring up stats, unprovoked and on his own, when they benefit him or the team while making his point.

He was quick to say “Our offense has been pretty darn good; they were sixth in the league last year,” when asked why all the free agent signings focused on the defense when the offensive line production from last year needs a vast improvement.

If he really thinks the offensive line is fine in how it is currently constructed, he’s lost his mind.

But he doesn’t think that, nor was he honest with the press Wednesday about much of anything of importance. He was just up there going through the motions, doing the same old song and dance.

Listening to an offseason press conference involving coach Zimmer or general manager Rick Spielman is sort of like looking forward to a big budget blockbuster movie, and, after paying to see it, finding out it has a storyline that goes nowhere.

His after the game press conferences during the season are always good, especially after a loss, because he hasn’t had time to simmer down yet and say the responsible, smart, team-savy, poetically correct thing. He gets more annoyed by dumb questions at that point, goes off-the-cuff, and lets his answers fly.

But this offseason press conference bullshit is too much. It’s not all his fault, obviously it would make no sense for him to come out and tell us everything about what’s really going on, but still, he’s over the top with his avoidance.

You haven’t talked to Danielle Hunter? You don’t know who your 17th game is against? You like your back-up QB options? Your offensive line is in good shape right now?

Please.

Spare me.

And I sure hope you and the coaches discussed clock management, and when to correctly throw a challenge flag, during some of those epic, ‘best meetings you’ve had in the last 8 years.’