I’m not convinced the Vikings will make the playoffs. Hope I’m wrong. Last year I thought they were going to the super bowl, but an 8-7-1 record doesn’t get you there. Who is the best team they have beat this year? Take your pick: Cowboys, Redskins, Eagles, Giants, Falcons, Lions, Broncos, Raiders. Any good looking teams on that list? Just the shittiest division in football and a bunch of leftovers. So much money tied up in that defense…yet with every 8 yard first down run, and every easy 3rd down conversion, possession by possession, I sit and suffer. Eventually watching with sarcastic laughter as it gets worse and worse. (Special shout out to Rhodes, for whom my sarcastic shade of laughter crescendos into falsetto.) Occasional plays from last names like Hunter, Kendricks, Waynes or Smith keep me off the ledge.

And Zimmer? Get outta here with the I’m smarter than you bullshit you carry around. It was cute 3-4 years ago. Now you’re exposed. Don’t go to the podium after losing to Seattle and say “Everybody acts like this is the end of the world. We lost one game…’ You’re such a phony. Who? Who exactly is everybody? Who is acting like this is the end of the world? You went from the sideline to the locker room after the game, addressed your players, then went to the podium and volunteered this quote for no reason, two questions in. So who? There was maybe an hour between the end of the game and your press conference. I can see if it was Thursday or Friday, the nation had been going nuts for a few days and you were getting peppered with questions. Yeah. Okay. Maybe. Maybe that quote would apply. But immediately after the game? Are your players acting like its the end of the world? If not who has had time? Certainly not you Mr. Zimmer. Clearly you haven’t even had time to take the temperature of the room. You just ignorantly volunteered it. That or you just want to make shit up. If so, do me a favor. Don’t. Your defense has enough real problems without you voluntarily manufacturing more.

Enough. You phony.

And don’t tell me you’re not going to evaluate players in the media. I’ve heard you do it literally hundreds of times since you took over. Just say you’re not in the mood if you randomly don’t want to do it after a loss. Don’t give me this BS like you’ve never done it and make me feel stupid for asking. We can all pretty much evaluate Xavier Rhodes play on our own. My evaluation: Bench.

And learn how to manage the clock. Better yet, turn it over to Kubiak and Stefansky. They coach the only functioning unit on the team anyway. Maybe if you stay out of their way they can help you out. One quick hint: Unused timeouts don’t carry over into the next half or week.

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