Missing Montana

After an hour or two of cleaning out the garage, I walked outside my house, into my backyard, beer in hand, and barbecued some steaks last night. I looked up at the sky, assessed the weather and thought, ‘well this is nice’. It was quiet. No clouds. The scene and the feeling should have been perfect.

But it’s not Montana.

I’d rather be looking at mountains or trees instead of the same pattern of house roofs and shingles all cramped together for miles and miles.

I miss Montana. More so now than ever. I hate that my kids have to grow up in a suburb of a big city Mecca and never get to experience some of the things that I’ve experienced, both as a child and as a young adult, raised in the big sky state.

During my 20’s, I lived for several years in a house where opening the back door meant being blasted by views of mountains and forests entering the back yard. Neighborhood houses had space between them. The yard was a perfect place to relax in peace, gather your thoughts, read, whatever. I personally chose to sit out there and play poker for hours and hours. The view in the background always put me at peace, even during times where the cards didn’t fall where they should’ve/could’ve.

Fishing, hiking, tubing, golf, camping…all of it just minutes away. The winters could get harsh, but the summers made them worth it. Besides, winter had football season to get me through.

A couple times a summer I’d drive 45 minutes away to absolute paradise. A golf course literally in the middle of a forrest. Trees cut in perfect pattern. Streams, creeks, ponds, wildlife…and play golf with a good buddy. I still to this day have never known what that course charges. It doesn’t matter. Whatever I paid, I was always getting the better end of the deal.

I’m not an outside guy in the sense of radical exploration, but I am in the sense of atmosphere and appreciation. Nobody appreciates good weather more than me. Nobody appreciates an outdoor setting more than me. I love a good creek. The idea of standing outside on a deck, elevated, with a pal or two reminiscing is pure perfection. That setting goes from perfect to euphoric if you have Montana scenery in the background.

There’s just something about being in Montana. When I was there my outlook was always different than it is now. I always had the feeling I was bound for greatness. Always looked forward to everything. Always had fun. All of my friends did a ton more camping, fishing, golfing, tubing, and hiking than I did. But when I was invited along no one in the group appreciated it more than me.

In Texas I feel grounded, try to survive day by day, and have almost zero friends.

I never really amounted to anything while living in Montana. I went broke several times. Never took on a job that could’ve evolved into a career. Was never in a committed relationship. In short, I never took life seriously while I was there.

Since I’ve lived in Texas I’ve found a career job, saved some money, got married, had 2 kids, became the father to 2 more, and have a solid plan for the future.

Just wish I would’ve done it in Montana.