Big Truck Guy

I’ve never been a fan. I’m not sure what’s worse the trucks or the conversations about them. My most recent truck guy story:

I randomly see a guy arguing with an ATM inside a gas station. The ATM, probably as politely as it could, with words and flashing graphics, told him insufficient funds. He was outwardly arguing, as if the machine would accept his explanation and start spitting out 20s. He did this obnoxiously 2 or 3 times, drawing plenty attention to himself along the way. Upon finally deciding it was hopeless to argue with an ATM, he left. Swinging open both doors violently, making the bells attached to the push and pull handles bang extra hard off the door glass windows, cursing as he strutted long-walk style back to his big truck. A truck with a muffler the size of my chimney.

I love the fact that I saw this guy arguing with an ATM, that alone makes it a good story. I mean what an idiot. But my favorite part comes next. And thank you random old man in line in front of me, patiently waiting to buy a can of Copenhagen, for that. So the ATM guy hops into his truck, rips out of the parking lot, runs over the curb straight into oncoming traffic, jumps the median spinning his tires, and yells obscenities with his window down the whole way…causing other drivers to slam on their brakes,veer off, etc. Horns honking everywhere like something out of a movie. The old Copenhagen man in front of me leans over and says ‘Well, looks like the truck works but the driver doesn’t.’

I believe that old man is a genius. I believe that old man drives a geo metro. I believe that old man has known plenty of big truck guys in his life and would prefer not to meet anymore. I believe he has no idea why anyone would ever run duel stacks on a straight lift, and I believe he doesn’t know what the hell that phrase even means. I believe that old man saw the guy arguing wth the ATM, then saw him drive off and made the perfect joke in the perfect situation for anyone who appreciates a dry sense of humor. I believe that man has known big truck guys who have poured in thousands and thousands of dollars to make sure they have every stupid bell and whistle you can imagine on display when driving around town…with debt spraying out their eyeballs and the family on the strict macaroni and ramen diet.

And I believe that old man sums up my feelings about big truck guy in one well timed joke.

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