My wife and kids are already talking about Father’s Day. They have some big plan about getting me a letterman’s jacket of some kind. Then everybody in the family getting one, and doing some sort of merit system. Who knows. Getting me a new cell phone has been thrown around as well. I don’t even know what else. They always ask me what I want before Father’s Day. I always tell them they don’t have to do or get me anything. They always get me something though. And I Gotta give them points in the past for creativity.
But let’s break this down. Do you really want to get me something good for Father’s Day? I mean really want to? Okay…
Let’s start the day off with a good sleeping in session. Don’t bother me. Let me wake when I wish. Upon waking up, I’d like to be greeted by my wife, who’s already up and raring to go, with a good morning kiss. I’d then like all 4 of my kids to rush me. I need big hugs and smiles from Chloe, Harrison, and Mara, and a fist-bump-what’s-up from Travis. I will now see ya’ll only sparingly throughout the day. Thank you for participating.
Then I’d like to walk out into the kitchen and prep my breakfast, uninterrupted, while not having to feed the kids. Make about a billion scrambled eggs and be able to sit and enjoy peacefully.
Around noon I’d like to head over to an empty golf course somewhere, grab a cart, and a beer, and play just two or three holes, very slowly, all alone. Basking in the glory of green grass, trees, and the silence.
Afterwards, I’d take a drive over to the In-N-Out Burger, listening to my favorite podcast the entire time. Get myself a nice little lunch. Drive on back to the house, see my lovely wife and kids. Everyone quiet and on their best behavior of course. Maybe we watch a movie, all together in the living room, until dinner…some take-n-bake Papa Murphy’s pizzas.
Getting into the evening, after dinner, it’s poker time! In some way, shape, or form. If the family is exhausted from doing all the jobs and tasks I normally do throughout the day and are not in the mood for cards, that’s fine. I’ll Kiss Mara goodnight, mix myself up a nice little vodka tonic, find an old Vikings game on youtube I haven’t watched yet and keep it on in the background while I play a little Pai-Gow.
Cap-off the night with my wife waiting up for me to come to bed. That’s all I’ll say about that. I’ll keep it PG.
Everything productive I normally do around the house, in the morning and all throughout the day, has either been done by others or ignored until I get to it tomorrow. I want no responsibility. No diapers will be changed. No feeding little kids at all.
No unnecessary cards, gifts, or pampering of any kind is required. I don’t need my kids spending my own money on me in wasteful ways. That’s my job. Do some extra chores, pick up some of the slack, leave me alone, don’t be loud, help your mom out when she asks and we’ll be fine.
It’s only one day a year. Come on. Let’s really make this one count…Let’s all pitch in and work together to help support my laziness and selfishness to make this the best Father’s Day ever.
I should probably work in a phone call to my old man somewhere along the way. He’ll be in the garage.
