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Dad Stuff

Dad Stuff

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I’m starting a new weekly/bi weekly series entitled Dad Stuff.

It’s not exactly rocket science, or innovative.

What you have is me simply observing things that involve fatherhood, in some capacity, and writing about them.

For instance, this past Sunday night around 6-6:30, my youngest son hysterically laughed at me for 15-30 seconds…after I threw my phone across the room and yelled DAMN IT, while simultaneously heading for the front door, after the Vikings missed a field goal that would have won the game.

He then turned to Tabitha in mid-laugh and said, “Mommy, why did daddy say that bad word and leave like that?”

Tabitha didn’t respond to him, or me. She just picked up her dinner plate and headed toward our bedroom.

She was already not impressed with my attitude, actions, and lack of listening during the game.

My phone was on silent. (If I left the ringer on during Vikings games, the annoyance of constant chimes and alerts would be borderline unbearable.)

And, as luck would have it, I missed a call from my wife. Of course, in typical Murphy’s Law fashion, I didn’t get a notification of it either. (If I did I obviously I would have called her back, even during the game. I don’t need that headache.)

Meanwhile I just kept texting away during the game with my family and buddies. Not surprisingly she didn’t buy my story that I didn’t see her call when she brought it up.

That, and a million other things I typically do wrong on NFL Sundays, no doubt make her feel so safe, secure, and happy she took the plunge of living the lifelong dream with me.

‘Til death do us part.

Every time I think I’ve achieved some sort of personal growth in my life I look back on how I acted during my most recent viewing session of a Vikings game, and realize I haven’t.

It’s possible I’m regressing.

Well gosh-golly Jordan, how do you justify your actions?

Simple. My mother-in-law lives with me in my house 24 hours a day…I deserve 3 straight unbothered hours a week to watch a team I’ve followed since I was 8 years old, without any distractions.

Bingo Bango Bongo.

(You know that feeling you get during the holidays, or weekend trips, or vacations, or random visits when you know your in laws are coming to town? And the random stress you feel while ya’ll are staying together for a few days? That’s my fucking life everyday…Give me a break.)

My oldest son Travis watched the first Vikings game of the season with me. After week 1 I don’t blame him for not wanting to watch week 2.

Monday through Friday Travis is homeschooling. Which essentially means he sits in the corner of our office with his laptop booted up, watching videos, and answering quiz questions.

Much to his dismay, the program he uses for schooling won’t allow him to merely skip ahead on the videos and answer the quiz questions, which would obviously make his school day go much quicker. He is actually required to watch each video from start to finish.

So naturally what Travis does is start the video and leave the room for awhile to watch tv, sleep, eat, or play with his siblings, etc. Then he comes back and googles the answers to each quiz question.

As Tabitha would say…He thinks he’s slick.

Well I’m not always in the office, but every time I walk by and see a video playing without him in there, I pause it.

Just a little thing that I get a big kick out of. I’m not sure if he’s caught on yet or not.

I walk by the office two or three times a day pausing videos.

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Also Mara takes her little stuffed animal, “Doggie”, everywhere she goes. She’ll cry for hours if we make her leave it behind. I’ve given up on trying. (Aside from planning ahead, distracting her, and hiding it ahead of time.)

She always goes out of her way to tell neighbors, random strangers, or anyone else we see about her Doggie.

75% of the time this is how the conversation goes:

Mara: Hi, this is my doggie.

Random: Oh cool. What’s your doggie’s name?

Mara: Doggie! (Then she usually walks off)

The tone she takes with them when giving that answer is usually one of…I just told you her name, idiot, were you not listening?

She’s definitely her father’s daughter.

That is all for this segment.

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